When we reflect on our own personality traits, its easy to spot those more favoured.. . 'oh, shes so kind', ' gosh he has the patience of a saint', wow, what a great sense of humour!..' you know, the traits that sell us on our CVs, that make us seem more attractive on our dating profiles..
But we all possess those others that perhaps are less universally acceptable, even frowned upon, the ones we are loathe to admit to.. stubborness, laziness, arrogance... are all common, and all less than desirable characteristics, to be named these may even cause offence..
Yet, if we put a spin on those traits... stubboness becoming strongwilled, turning it into a very valuable quality for somone wanting to succeed despite the hurdles they face.
So, because I had an Aha! moment driving into the studio today, here are 3 of my personal "less desirable" traits that I feel have served me very well, despite the difficulties my parents faced.
DEFIANCE - the singular trait that drove my dad most mad.
open resistance; bold disobedience:
"an act of defiance" · "the demonstration was held in defiance of official warnings"
As a parent, this trait can be the WORST! You try and guide your children, you want to keep them safe and secure, you bestow them with your years of experience and heed them the warnings of all the dangers out in the world. And what does said beloved child, do in response to all your wisdom? Resist, disobey, go against..they defy you of course! At this point I must apologise to all the residents of Alison St in the 90's.. this lovely personality trait of mine caused many a raised voice in heated argument with my dad, and plenty of slammed doors. Thankyou collectively, for not dobbing me in, when you caught me sneaking out and off in boys cars to parties after bedtimes on Friday nights.
However, for all the difficulties it may have caused, I'm very greatful to have defiance in my arsenal. If it weren't for defiance, I may just have taken all that well meant advice to heart, I may just have played it safe, I may just have taken the sensible, secure, well paved road and headed along the path to an office job. Or, even better (worse?) lived up to my fathers dreams and expectations, and become a nun.
But defiance and I had other plans, and a whole lot of dreams brewing, so, with a friendly 'fuck that', we hightailed it down the roughshod road of creativity. Has it be easy? No. Has it caused many sleepless nights, creative survival tactics, criticism and absolute moments of questionable sanity? You bet. Would I change it? Not a chance! By being defiant, I am being the most genuine and true version of myself, I am living authentically and I get to use the gifts I was blessed with and truly love what I do. My future is not as secure as peers perhaps, but my quality of life is priceless. I am happy. Thanks defiance.
IMPRACTICALITY - its not as bad as it sounds.
derived from
im·prac·ti·cal
[ɪmˈpraktɪk(ə)l]
ADJECTIVE
not adapted for use or action; not sensible or realistic:"impractical high heels" · "his impractical romanticism"
Ok, ok, full disclosure, I'm not an entirely impractical person. I can be very sensible and level headed when needed, and I can be very practical in the use of materials and things. Yet the minute I'm drawn into conversations with open endings, I'm already going down the rabbit hole.
My impractical ways really come into their own when dreaming big. It's a limitless canvas for creativity. Instead of being restrained by the commonsense approach of "that wont work because..." I instead let my imagination fly, I come up with the most nonsensical, impossible ideas, and then figure out the how as an afterthought. Being this mad is a gift I swear. When my imagination is this wonderful and wild, why would I want to restrain it? Of course, it pairs nicely with the aforementioned defiance. Ive always been this way inclined.I have vivid memories of marvelous yet entirely impractical outfit choices as a small child. A golden ballgown travelling across the world, I had a vision, my Oma needed to see me in it. Taking up far too much room in the suitcase meant for a family of 5, I insisted it was a vital piece of my travelling wardrobe.. and it was worth every moment of my elderly, non english speaking Omas exclaims of delight as I proudly paraded my beloved attire for her. I love that core memory. My poor parents.
Being impractical can sometimes be a difficulty, and even a chore.. but impracticality can also lead to creative solutions and a whole lot of magic! It's the perfect artists companion.
SENSITIVITY - keeping Kleenex in business since ages ago.
the state or quality of being sensitive, often used to denote a state of abnormal responsiveness to stimulation or of responding quickly and acutely.
Yip, I'm sensitive. A typical Cancerian. At times, I overreact, often I'm easily hurt, sheilding my soft core with my hard crab shell.. I feel very deeply. I cry at ridiculous things. I hear a song I like and I immediately want to crawl into that soundbite and stay there. I see a beautiful sunrise and am overcome with euphoria, forever staining my memory with its colour... be assured, I'm not exaggerating in the slightest. Its all-encompassing,over the top, reactiveness. Guess what. It serves me exponentially well in my art practise. My paintings are imbued with layers of feeling, and depth, and sentimentality that trancend me and reach the viewer in ways they can't quite put their fingers on. Have you ever connected with an artwork in a way you cant explain? There's just something about it, you can relate, it speaks to you at a core level, you dont understand why, but you just love it. That's the artists sensitivity at play. Creating from something so deep that it cant help but be tranferred into the work. Not all artists work this way, and thats more than ok... but for those of us that do - its something else. I can pick up on the energies and minuteness that might otherwise go unnoticed and pour that into my paint strokes. I often describe it as a form of chanelling, whereupon I become the conduit for something beyond myself. I have to credit my sensitivity for this ability, allowing me to pick up on nuances, to feel things so intensely.
Of course, it can sometimes make me moody, and I will be the first to admit I'm hard work. But it's worth it.
So why share this with you all? What was that 'Aha' moment that justified this ramble?
Firstly, I want to make you smile? Are you smiling?... Good!
Secondly, I want to inspire hope. Especially if you are a parent of an unruly teen or a terrible toddler. It can be really frustrating and scary, and can seem hopeless at times, but those little humans are going to turn out just fine. No matter how difficult a personality can be, we all have our places in the world. We just need to be nurtured to finding it. (And no, Im not taking any donations of wild children, I have my own karmic delights, thanks for asking)
Lastly. I really, really want to remind you that you, reading this, are awesome.
With all your imperfections and flaws, with your struggles and baggage and stories to tell, you are a wonderful, breathtaking creation in your own right.
Like most, I have moments of self doubt on the regular, and tango with self loathing often, I wonder "am I enough?". Its a very human thing to do. We are so programmed to think we must attain all the 'good traits' to be a valuable and worthy person. Now I'm not saying thats not admirable, and yes we should absolutely always endevour to be the best humans we can, but gosh how dull would this world be if we we were all perfectly behaved and balanced.
Personally I prefer my life in full saturated colour, with a generous side of quirky, and dash of crazy for good measure thanks.
As I'm learning to see and myself through different, more accepting lenses, I hope you are inpired to try it too.
Go forth you crazy diamond, embrace those quirky traits, and enjoy all the benefits and value within them!
Creatively yours
